Sunday, April 8, 2007

Cabinet meets in Ottawa

Ottawa – Cabinet meeting room, April 11, 2007. Stephen Harper enters the room.

Flaherty: Hey Stevie. How was the trip to France?

Harper: Just awesome Jim. You know those French people are a pretty cool nation. The statue and ceremonies were okay and all, but the best thing was that I found out that a Canadian who fought at Vimy – Chabot-something-or-other – played in the NHL for the Rangers. How neat is that? I’ll have to include that in my book. Overall, an excellent few days except for the Leafs missing the playoffs. It's those damned Senators beating them all the time. Oh well, what's another year in the life of the Leaf Nation, eh? So, how was everyone’s little vacation?

Flaherty: Well I’m still getting flak over that whole income trust thing. People are demanding to know the financial justification for the decision. Like I said in October, we’d better make sure we have all our ducks in a row. We didn’t, and now I have to deal with this crap all the time. Can’t we just make something up?

Harper: Jimbo, like I said back then, we just wait it out. Keep up the bullshit and double-speak – you did a great job on that with the budget by the way – and eventually everyone will either get tired of listening to you or become so confused that they just believe you. Either way we're home free. Rona, how were things with you?

Ambrose: Oh wow! Like, I went to the Junos and met these really cool guys that were in the band! I got autographs and my picture in the paper with them! I even got to touch their instruments!

Harper: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Tony, how has the wait times announcement been received?

Clement: Not so good. It seems that Canadians recall your promises a little differently than you do.

Harper: Don’t worry about it. Like I’ve always said, the best way to win a losing battle is simply to declare success and leave the field. It’s working for Jimbo, it’ll work for you.

Clement: I know, but we haven’t actually done anything.

Harper: That doesn’t matter. Look at John here – he’s done squat but that hasn’t stopped us from blaming the Liberals for everything.

Baird: Speaking of which, we’re going to have to make a decision on whether we want to move forward with the modified Climate Change Bill or not.

Harper: Just maintain the course. Keep telling them we’ll have something to announce in a couple of weeks and do nothing. If everything continues to go according to plan, we’ll be in an election campaign then and we won’t have had to do anything to piss off Alberta or the oil companies. And Stock, what about your field trip over to Kandahar?

Day: Good. It gave me a chance to see how things are going first hand and talk to the boys. I was quite concerned though that the chapel didn't seem to get much use. Fundamentally, I think we have to reduce the number of Sunday patrols so the lads have more time to pray. Maybe we can ...

Harper: Never mind all that. How about the Americans? Did you talk to the Americans like I told you? I want to make sure George knows we’re pulling our weight.

Day: Well CNN was there.

Harper: Good. Now, what do the polls say?