Monday, July 9, 2007

Curse you Walt Disney!

This is the second summer we have tried to have a garden in our little piece of Eden here in rural Ontario and all I can say is, IF THERE HAD BEEN DEER IN THE ORIGINAL GARDEN OF EDEN THERE WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ANY DAMNED APPLES LEFT!

I was looking forward to a feed of fresh garden beans, carefully tended behind a 5’ tall fence. Now I’m searching the internet cooking sites looking for bean stalk recipes. Stripped clean they were, under cover of darkness. Cowards!

Our favourite perennials, lovingly transplanted from the last house, are apparently all delicacies which no self-respecting deer buffet would be without. Every morning, the first trip outdoors is to the garden to see “what the bastards got last night”. And judging from the damage, our garden must be high on the list of free culinary delights catering to the discriminating browser, as they keep coming back for more.

In a desperate attempt to grow something – anything – they won’t eat, I even bought a guide book. Deerproofing Your Yard and Garden cost me $21.95 plus tax and seemed like a good deal until I realised that the bloody deer haven’t read it yet. Recommended deer resistant plants like hostas – chewed to the ground; parsley – yum, yum; goatsbeard – oooh, tasty; lily-of-the-valley – got any more of that?

Plant marigolds they say. Deer don’t like the smell they say. Well our deer must have olfactory issues as they stand in the marigold patch as they eat the peas. Nothing works.

Curse you Walt Disney! Until Bambi came along, they were food – end of story. Now thanks to you, everyone has this image of deer as the cute spotted fawn instead of what they really are, a pest. They are a scourge on the landscape. They destroy crops. They cause untold damage in vehicle collisions. And they eat my beans!

I may be discouraged, but I’m not waving the white flag just yet – not as long as there’s the option of electric fencing or a Winchester 30-30.

Come to think of it, the freezer is getting a bit low. Here deery, deery. Come on girl …..

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