“On the rocks” on the rocks?

According to this story, “Between 20 and 30 young seals have washed up on the shore; their bodies in varying states of decay. Some had crushed skulls, others were missing their eyes.”.

Of course this immediately prompted a flurry of calls from the “concerned public”, but it turns out that the culprit was, in all likelihood, sea ice.

According to Allan MacLean of the Department of Fisheries and Oceans, they were likely killed by sea ice that broke up and crushed them in the water. "Most often the trauma from ice kills is in the head area," [MacLean]said by phone from Baddeck. "This is not unusual — it happens really frequently in Cape Breton."

If further investigation reveals sea ice to be the true cause of death, PETA has vowed an international boycott. According to a spokesperson, “You don’t need ice to enjoy a good single malt.”

European manufacturers of refrigeration equipment have also announced the likelihood of further corporate losses should the boycott take hold. “This is all we need, to have a reduced demand for ice on top of the world economic challenges we are already facing.”

John Baird, Canada’s Environment Minister further opined, “This could be a good thing. A lowered global demand for ice will ensure that the Arctic ice cap remains in place for at least a few more years.” He added, “Unlike the Liberals who simply let it melt away, we’re getting it done for Canadians.”