Omnibus bills – my take

Envision this scenario. A few years ago you fell on hard times. Your income had fallen and accumulated debt was dragging you down. So you took drastic action. You cut back on your spending, eliminated many nice-to-haves and pared essentials to a level you could afford. You moved out of your big house into a basement apartment. And eventually you got your finances under control and were actually seeing some black in your bank statements for the first time in many years. Feeling pretty optimistic you decide you’re ready for the next big step, to own your own home again.

You go to the only real-estate broker in town, Harper and Associates, and explain that you’d like a modest, starter home to ease back into home ownership again; something like a small two-bedroom bungalow in an older part of town would be fine.

The next day you get a call from your broker and arrange to meet him in the driveway at the specified address in Rockcliffe Park. The conversation goes like this:

“Here’s your house. It’s 20,000 square feet, 30 rooms, on a 3-acre lot. It includes a swimming pool, a spa, a sauna, a home theatre, and a games room in the basement. It was owned by the High Commissioner to Fort McMurray before he tragically fell into a tailings pond and died. A steal at $60 million.”

“Uh, that seems a bit excessive. All I wanted was a small bungalow.”

“Well this is all we’ve got for you. Take it or leave it.”

“I only wanted 2 bedrooms.”

“This has more than that. I’m not sure how many more but you’ll like them.”

“Don’t you have anything smaller?”

“Well there is a small house in there; just ignore the rooms you don’t need.”

“But I’ll have to pay for all of it even if I only want 2 bedrooms.”

“If you want 2 bedrooms you’ll have to take all of them. We can’t divide the house.”

“Is that a gazebo I see through the fence?”

“Yes. It’s a Tony Gazebo, the best your money can buy.They say you can see the US border from in there.”

“Really? And a pool? I can’t even swim.”

“Doesn’t matter. Your neighbours at 24 Sussex will use the pool. You just need to keep it cleaned and properly maintained.”

“Why am I keeping a pool for my neighbours?”

“They want one and don’t think they’d get planning approval if they asked the city separately.”

“I see, I think. Three acres seems like a lot of grass to cut.”

“Not really. Three acres is a good size for an off-leash dog park.”

“An off-leash dog park?”

“Yes. The neighbourhood needs one. You’d like to be a good neighbour, wouldn’t you? So we included it in the agreement.”

“But…”

“The purchase agreement also includes the cost of fencing, so you needn’t worry about the dogs getting into your Koi pond.”

“My Koi pond?”

“Yes. See, right here, on page 289, the fine print says, “The owner will provide and maintain a Koi pond for environmental testing on the effects of neighbouring dog parks on native fish populations.””

“Koi aren’t native.”

“These are. They’re Fort Chipeweyan Koi. Kind of ugly with the deformities and all but they grow on you.”

“All I wanted was a small 2 bedroom house.”

“We’ve discussed this. We’re not going to talk about bedrooms any more. You said you wanted a house; this is a house.”

“But I haven’t even had a chance to look inside.”

“I’ve told you all about it so you’ll just have to trust me. We’re done discussing this. You have 10 minutes to decide whether you want a house or would rather spend the rest of your miserable little life living in a basement.”

“Well, since you put it that way…”

And that, folks, is how the Harper Conservatives use omnibus bills.

Conservatives and the cult of victimhood

Having read (again) the Prime Minister’s speech to devoted Harperites in Calgary I am struck by two things. First of all is the utter banality of the speech, a view that has been broadly discussed by most media outlets, including the Con-friendly press, so I won’t belabour the point.

The second theme that stood out for me was the overarching sense of persecution by a list of perceived enemies – the elites, the media, the Liberals, the NDP, unions, criminals, civil servants, the Senate, lobbyists, academics, scientists. It’s as if John Wayne himself was on stage calling on the pilgrims to circle the wagons because the Injuns are attacking.

“We didn’t go to Ottawa to … become part of some elite.”

Really? Being Prime Minister of Canada is the very definition of elite. The Harpers are on the “A” list whether they like it or not. And let’s not forget their associates – Gerstein, Wright, LeBreton, Stewart-Olsen, Findlay, even Duffy and Wallin (once) – all members in good standing of the elite. But no, in the Conservative’s alternate universe the elite are ‘them’, and ‘they’ are, by definition, bad, unless they’re friends, I guess.

“We will not accept that environmental protection must stop economic development.”

Read: Clearly the scientists and environmentalists are out to cripple the economy, to bring this country to its knees. We are, once again, protecting you from ‘them’.  But only to a point. When this government put forward the Navigable Waters Protection Act that stripped federal protection from thousands of freshwater lakes, 89% of the lakes that retained protection were in Tory ridings, many of them in Tony Clement’s own riding – cottage country for Toronto’s own elite and other gazebo lovers.

“We are bringing public service compensation into line with the private sector.”

Read: Those guys are making more money than you (playing the jealousy card) so we are going to cut them back to bring them in line with what you are making. Besides this philosophy being a key component of the race to the bottom I would venture to guess that the attendees in Calgary were generally a pretty well-healed bunch, able to cover the costs of airfares, hotels, meals, etc to hobnob with the party brass. Those costs would be out of reach for many hard-working civil servants, nevertheless the message is clear; ’They’ are ripping you off and we’ll show them who’s boss.

“This is the only party that believes in taking action to keep our children and communities safe”.

Read: If the ‘others’ (Liberals and NDP) had their way our streets would be no-go zones populated with murderers, child molesters, dope-smoking crack heads, and other ne’er do wells, possibly even Conservative bagmen or Rob Ford. The ‘others’ are all wrong. We have seen the light and it is the failed criminal justice system in the US that guides us.  The problem is that when you see everyone as an enemy first you are never going to accept their advice and guidance, no matter how useful that advice would be.

“Unlike other parties we never play one region against another.”

Read: Forget that stuff I said about an Alberta firewall. There is little doubt that this government has been one of the most divisive in modern Canadian history, yet it’s the other guys that are the dividers, it’s the other guys that play off parts of the country against each other. Sadly, it is to laugh.

“…we’re now being blocked in the courts”

Aside from being untrue the message is, again, that external forces are allied against us doing what we know is in the best interests of you, the party faithful. No introspection allowed or acceptance that perhaps things could have been done differently; someone else is doing THIS to US.

And finally, the ultimate outsider proclamation.

“Friends … what it tells me, in terms of such opponents, I couldn’t care less what they say.”

The ‘opponents’ in this statement encompass any and all of the 80% (or whatever) of Canadians who didn’t vote Conservative in the last election. “I couldn’t care less”. The arrogance of those 4 words is palpable. Govern for all Canadians? Not a chance. If you didn’t vote for me “I couldn’t care less” what you think, how you feel, what concerns you. A classic us versus them argument; you don’t count for shit if you’re not in my tribe.

The list goes on.

Now I personally know lots of Conservative supporters yet I don’t know any who subscribe to that level of paranoia, that level of distrust and disdain for anyone who disagrees. And I can’t imagine that even the most ardent  kool-aid drinker, if they thought about it honestly for 10 seconds, believes this bullshit. Yet there he was, rallying the base with the common theme that only he and his MPs stood between them and anarchy, between them and those who would destroy this country and this society, between them and the dark forces of progressivism. They are all out to get us, yet we alone hold the wooden stake, the silver bullet!

So I’m at a bit of a loss here. Just when and how did being a Conservative morph into becoming a victim?

F35 Fiasco

I’ve avoided posting on the F35 up until now for a couple of reasons, not least of which is I have absolutely no idea whether this is the best plane for Canada at this time or not. With a defence strategy that could only charitably be called incoherent it’s hard to say what Canada’s military really needs to do whatever job the Harper Cons may require of them in the future. And secondly, I’m no aerospace expert so the technical pros and cons are just so much noise – F-35, CF-18, Navy specs, one engine, stealth, blah, blah, blah.

But here’s what I do know. The much vaunted Harper communications machine has been disastrous on this file. The obfuscations, the denials, the assertions of existing contracts, the demonizing of anyone daring to question, and the outright lies told by this government have done nothing to convince me or it seems the majority of Canadians that this is the best plane at the right price for Canada today. In fact it has done the exact opposite and rendered the F-35 toxic in the court of public opinion.

And now we have KPMG’s report on the full lifecycle costs of the plane which would appear to validate the Parliamentary Budget Officer’s numbers and further erode the Harper Conservative’s credibility on the file. But that doesn’t stop the Harper apologists from spinning this as “that’s what we’ve been saying all along”, cherry-picking out-of-context quotes to support their distorted view of reality. Good grief, will the lying never stop?

Unfortunately that’s all to be expected but the one recurring theme from the Cabinet right through to the guy on the street drinking the Harper Con kool-aid is a variant of “When you buy a car you don’t factor in the life cycle costs”, the implication being that the PBO and KPMG costings are therefore suspect. To which I say bullshit! Only a fool (or someone very wealthy) doesn’t compare the gas mileage one would expect, the warranty periods, future maintenance costs when deciding between that Mazda RX-3 and a Humvee. And if the choice is between no car and owning your own the calculus becomes even more critical – cost of parking, borrowing costs, licence fees, and so on.

So you’re simply wrong. You can argue the merits of one jet versus another. You can argue over the procurement process. But you can’t use the argument that real people in the real world don’t do lifecycle costing.

Animated suspension

When I was traveling extensively for business I had a technique that let me deal with the hours of tedium associated with air travel. By intentionally not thinking about the trip, the airport hassles, the hours trapped in a metal tube 6 miles above the earth, by effectively putting my mind in neutral I was able to withstand the long transit times to Europe, Australia, or the Far East (30 hours plus in some cases) with relative ease and calm. So while I was physically moving through space and time, mentally I was in a sort of Zen state, living in the moment and not thinking about the past, or the future. Sure I would read, watch movies, nap, and chat with the attendants but those diversions were superficial at best and the details rarely recalled once I arrived at my destination.

I referred to those times as being in a kind of animated suspension where the body is functioning but the mind has slowed, time seemed to lose it’s importance, and the question of how much longer until we get there rarely surfaced.

Aside from long-haul air travel and visiting the in-laws I never saw a need for this skill until my recent unfortunate incident involving a storm, fallen trees, a ladder, a chainsaw, and the medical community. With 7 broken ribs to heal my world suddenly got a lot smaller – no golf, no riding, no working in the yard or in the shop.  Even simple things like sitting down at a computer or standing up could cause pain the like of which I had never experienced. So I was essentially in a place where time had to pass but I had no outlets or activities to help it do so – not unlike an extended 19-hour flight to Hong Kong seated in steerage. And that I knew how to deal with.

As I near 4 weeks of recovery I am on final approach to my destination (to continue the flying metaphor). I am pretty much fully mobile and relatively(!) pain free and the doctors are telling me that I should now be able to start doing the things I like to do, in moderation of course. And that’s all good news, but still I marvel at the power of the human mind that it can so easily focus on the moment and compress hours and/or days of pain and unpleasantness into nothing but vague recollections of a period of discomfort. It truly is an amazing thing.

Progress is being made

After the carnage of three weeks ago (reported here) things have been looking up, albeit frustratingly slowly.

A follow up hospital visit discovered fluids had pooled in one lung so that required the medical equivalent of a Roto-Rooter procedure to drain and an overnight stay but otherwise the ribs are healing nicely and I have weaned myself off the painkillers (I hated how they made me feel). Also during that second visit a CT scan confirmed that it was 7 ribs fractured, not just 5. I’m not sure if it actually makes any difference but 7 always seems better than 5 unless one is playing golf, which I am most definitely not at this time.

The insurance company has been great with arrangements made to repair the garage roof and house damage and I have a cash settlement in hand for other insured losses. Unfortunately there is no insurance coverage for property clean-up. When I suggested such a clause, with a cap of $2500 or $5000, might be a useful inclusion in rural policies my agent’s response was, “Well it doesn’t happen very often.” Exactly. Isn’t that what we have insurance for, those events that don’t happen very often? And according to municipal and provincial officials the “disaster” wasn’t big enough (i.e. not enough homes were destroyed and there was no loss of life) so there’s no help available from them either. So we are on our own when it comes to the clean-up of the 100 or so felled trees and associated damage in the 2 or 3 acres directly around our home.

While I am mobile and can get around fine any strenuous activity, heavy lifting, chainsawing remains a distant objective. Without the help of friends and neighbours the clean-up would not have progressed at all in the past 3 weeks. The day after I got home from my initial hospital visit neighbours came by and cleared our driveway so at least we could drive up to the house. Another friend who owns some heavy equipment has been here most days clearing some of the larger trees out of the way. Even the missus has pitched in, learning to use the small chain saw to clear the downed trees off her flower beds. And I have actually been turning down some offers of help simply because I don’t feel right having others work on my property while I sit there and supervise. So a big THANK YOU to all who have helped and offered to do so.

And so it goes. We pick away at it a bit at a time while we wait for the fire ban to be lifted so we can begin to burn the tons of branches, small trees, and other waste left after the good white pine and cedar logs have been removed and the hardwood segregated for next year’s (and beyond) firewood. And then we start to replant.

 

This tree snapped off 30’ above the ground, landing on my garage roof.

 

Can’t imagine clearing this by hand.

 

A few of the logs taken off the property.
A similar sized pile is across the road.

The views from the lake have changed

The week started out normally enough. I was playing golf with some friends a few miles east of here when we were called off the course due to electrical storms in the area. So not wanting to waste a perfectly good afternoon we headed over to the Ashton Brew Pub (their Harvest Brown is delicious!) for a pint or two. Then the storm hit – golf-ball sized hail and winds that shook the old mill building.

After an hour or so it subsided enough to get in the car and head home, to be met by a roadblock set up by the police, blocking the only access into our community. With power lines and trees down all over the road, no one was getting in (or out) for the next 3 hours. Reports were of major storm damage and possible tornado activity (very rare in these parts). Of course we were worried.

When we finally did get through, here’s what greeted us as we came up our road.

The fire department had been in and cut a path down our road as they were checking residents to make sure everyone was okay.

Under all those trees on the right is where we normally park our cars.

 Garage took some abuse. Another tree on the other side punched several large holes in the roof.

Deck furniture was rearranged.

Buried under those trees is what was our vegetable garden. So far I’ve salvaged 6 beans and 2 cucumbers. We might yet get a couple of hardy tomatoes.

Fortunately damage to the house was limited to a broken window and some siding damage, but the garage didn’t fare so well with 2 trees on (and in) it.

The next day, about 1/2 hour into what promises to be a months-long clean-up  I managed to do something stupid and fell, about 6 feet, landing on my back on a log. An ambulance trip into town followed (a first for me) along with a day spent in emergency while they determined that the only(!) problem I had was that I had broken 5 ribs (another first).

I know, I can’t make any sense of these things either, but I am assured that there are 5 fractures in there somewhere.

Wednesday and Thursday some neighbours came and helped clear our driveway so we at least had access to the house. (Thank you, thank you, thank you!) On Friday we got our power back. Bell Canada is still insisting we have phone service even though the line is coiled up on my driveway. Wireless internet access is a long time off as our ‘tower’ (actually an 80’ pine tree) is now lying on the ground so my cellular data charges are through the roof.  The insurance company is giving me grief over some of the claim. And I’m drugged up, looking at a minimum of 3 to 4 weeks before I can ride again, at least a month before I can golf again, and having to pay someone else to clean up the mess because I did something dumb.

Can we please go back to Monday and start over?

P.S. The storm hit hard over a very large area and many homes and outbuildings were totally destroyed. And even though it had all the makings of a true disaster there was no loss of life, and no injuries reported. So while I chew pain killers by the handful and look out over a sea of destruction I have to think of how much worse it could have been and how truly lucky all of us were.

Bell Canada

We all love to hate large faceless corporations, and usually with good reason. Case in point: Last Monday, July 23, a massive storm blew through and several trees took down our phone line (and hydro, and garage roof, etc.).

Here’s the chronology of dealing with Bell Canada to get their service restored:

Tuesday July 24 – Called Bell to advise them of service outage. Stressed that the line was physically broken.

Wednesday July 25 (late) – Received a call from Bell advising that repairs had been completed.

Thursday July 26 – Called Bell again and suggested repairs might not actually be completed as the physical line was coiled up in my driveway.

Friday July 27 – Called Bell for follow-up and was advised the repairs would be completed by end of day. Again informed them the line was physically broken and would require someone on site.

Weekend – Nobody works on the weekend.

Monday July 30 – Called Bell. Voice response system advised that the previously reported issue had been resolved AND TESTED on Wednesday July 25. Spoke to an agent who seemed to have some difficulty grasping the fact that since I had the end of the line in my hand it couldn’t possibly be fixed, or tested. Projected repair date now Tuesday July 31.

Tuesday July 31 – Any bets????